[she's.... she's going to have to take some time to let this click. and even if she means "bad" in the sense that these are people who did bad things, she doesn't quite have the vocabulary for that. right now, it's still all simplicity, even as she struggles to articulate herself]
[ Those are some contentious words. Whether he's a bad person or deserving of being here is by all means still under debate. If he's above judgment by human law, if he leaves and ignores the justice they try to bring down on him, he's as good as rejecting his humanity, or his good citizenship, or both.
Still holding Anya's hands, he leans his head on a bar and says gently: ]
Do you understand what I did? I tried to kill someone, Anya.
Since the day that they met, Yato has only been encouraging, sweet, and kind to Anya. Yato has always been more supportive of her than anyone else. Yato has always gone out of his way to make her laugh and smile more than anyone else. Yato has always held her higher, made her feel like she could do anything - more than anyone else.
How could someone like that want to take someone else's life?
There's a clear moment where she falters, the shock and confusion settling behind her wide eyes even as his words echo in her ears. Her breath gets trapped in her throat.
Chuuya wanted to do this too - he wanted to go down a path where Anya didn't think that she could follow, because hurting people never once occurred to her. At the time, she'd been concerned for him, because what if he got hurt chasing down someone he wanted to be. Now as she reaches past jail cell bars to hold onto Yato, she realizes that there might be a sincere chance of other people getting hurt. People she doesn't even know.
It should scare her enough that she should let go. Now would be the time, if there was ever a time, where it would make sense to let go of people who might be bad for her.
Her fingers clutch onto Yato tighter even as water starts to line the bottom of her eyes, not that she seems to notice.]
Почему...? Yato, why? Yato...!
[Why are you doing something that means she can't stay with you?]
[ He watches his words hit her with very little surprise of his own. Despite her faith in him when he first brought up the subject of violence, Anya is too tender at heart to be happy with another person's pain, whatever they may have done to deserve it. ]
He took Aki's home from her, and tried to take more. She could've died, Anya. It's my fault he ever walked away with a grudge against her, so it's my responsibility to make sure he can never take anything from her again.
[ He speaks in present tense. As far as he's concerned, he isn't done yet. He never planned on being satisfied with a pair of hands.
Clearly, he's upsetting Anya. But he is resolute, gaze unwavering despite the softness that touches his heart when he looks into Anya's eyes. He said once that he didn't want to fight people anymore, but here he is now, still trying to solve his problems with force. Is it the warrior god in him? Or is it just him?
He is resolute, but it doesn't mean he's immune to Anya's sadness. He reaches a hand through the bars, taking hers with it, and brings it to her cheek. He can't hug her, so this is the best he can do. ]
I'll find a way to keep up with work. Don't let me slow you down, Anya.
[ He means production work, of course. There's plenty that can be done with a phone and internet access. He's certain he can manage that much. ]
[Anya's heart sinks. She remembers, when she'd first heard of Yato's ability to fight others, that she'd told him that he could be like a superhero. To fight against the people who hurt others and save the day. That sort of amazing, wonderful, heroic thing... that's what suits Yato.
Being a jail cell doesn't. Killing people, even the bad ones... that doesn't suit him either, she thinks.
Still, she clings onto his hand when he raises it up to her cheek and both of her hands reach up to hold onto him as if she can't bear the thought of letting him go if it means that he'll rush off and do something dangerous again when she does. What if he does something that he won't be able to take back?
It's that question that she wants to ask when she opens her mouth - and then struggles to actually make much of a noise, considering how closed up her throat is. It catches her off-guard, makes her pause even as she frees one of her hands to touch her own face, confused at the tears that fell without her permission. When did she start crying?]
Yato... [It's his name that she manages to sound out when she finds her voice again, even as she tries to blink away the tears to see him properly.] I... Mm...
[She shakes her head - as if that'll help clear her thoughts and let her get a better control of her own emotions.]
I do not want to go without you... Испуганный - I... Where will you go without me too?
[ Her tears wet his hand, and he isn't sure what to say. As happy as he's always tried to make her, he knew this one crime would upset her. Yet he did it anyway, because he was certain -- still is certain -- that it had to be done. He won't apologize for something he isn't sorry about.
But where will he go without Anya? Where would he be right now without Anya? Somewhere worse, undoubtedly, in a place far away. She's made his life better. A fact, indisputable. Tears run down Anya's face. At this moment, he is not making her life better.
You're a taker. I made you that way.
A voice from his memories, but not one he can blame or dispute. A small part of him acknowledges that it might be better if he stays here, removed from society.
But he can't stay here forever, because Anya is on the other side of these bars and he doesn't want to be without her. How selfish can he be? As much as he'll always urge her to move forward for her own sake, he'll always hope just as much that she'll let him stay by her side, however much a burden he is. Her words are a guilty relief he keeps from his face. But he'll push a little more, because he has to be sure she understands. ]
We aren't always going to walk the same path, Anya. You're a good person. I'm not. Don't dispute it -- I know I'm not. I wasn't a good person in that other life either. I share with that version of me what you share with your other self.
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no subject
"Inmate"? But this is where bad people go.
[she's.... she's going to have to take some time to let this click. and even if she means "bad" in the sense that these are people who did bad things, she doesn't quite have the vocabulary for that. right now, it's still all simplicity, even as she struggles to articulate herself]
Yato does not belong here.
no subject
Still holding Anya's hands, he leans his head on a bar and says gently: ]
Do you understand what I did? I tried to kill someone, Anya.
no subject
Since the day that they met, Yato has only been encouraging, sweet, and kind to Anya. Yato has always been more supportive of her than anyone else. Yato has always gone out of his way to make her laugh and smile more than anyone else. Yato has always held her higher, made her feel like she could do anything - more than anyone else.
How could someone like that want to take someone else's life?
There's a clear moment where she falters, the shock and confusion settling behind her wide eyes even as his words echo in her ears. Her breath gets trapped in her throat.
Chuuya wanted to do this too - he wanted to go down a path where Anya didn't think that she could follow, because hurting people never once occurred to her. At the time, she'd been concerned for him, because what if he got hurt chasing down someone he wanted to be. Now as she reaches past jail cell bars to hold onto Yato, she realizes that there might be a sincere chance of other people getting hurt. People she doesn't even know.
It should scare her enough that she should let go. Now would be the time, if there was ever a time, where it would make sense to let go of people who might be bad for her.
Her fingers clutch onto Yato tighter even as water starts to line the bottom of her eyes, not that she seems to notice.]
Почему...? Yato, why? Yato...!
[Why are you doing something that means she can't stay with you?]
no subject
He took Aki's home from her, and tried to take more. She could've died, Anya. It's my fault he ever walked away with a grudge against her, so it's my responsibility to make sure he can never take anything from her again.
[ He speaks in present tense. As far as he's concerned, he isn't done yet. He never planned on being satisfied with a pair of hands.
Clearly, he's upsetting Anya. But he is resolute, gaze unwavering despite the softness that touches his heart when he looks into Anya's eyes. He said once that he didn't want to fight people anymore, but here he is now, still trying to solve his problems with force. Is it the warrior god in him? Or is it just him?
He is resolute, but it doesn't mean he's immune to Anya's sadness. He reaches a hand through the bars, taking hers with it, and brings it to her cheek. He can't hug her, so this is the best he can do. ]
I'll find a way to keep up with work. Don't let me slow you down, Anya.
[ He means production work, of course. There's plenty that can be done with a phone and internet access. He's certain he can manage that much. ]
no subject
Being a jail cell doesn't. Killing people, even the bad ones... that doesn't suit him either, she thinks.
Still, she clings onto his hand when he raises it up to her cheek and both of her hands reach up to hold onto him as if she can't bear the thought of letting him go if it means that he'll rush off and do something dangerous again when she does. What if he does something that he won't be able to take back?
It's that question that she wants to ask when she opens her mouth - and then struggles to actually make much of a noise, considering how closed up her throat is. It catches her off-guard, makes her pause even as she frees one of her hands to touch her own face, confused at the tears that fell without her permission. When did she start crying?]
Yato... [It's his name that she manages to sound out when she finds her voice again, even as she tries to blink away the tears to see him properly.] I... Mm...
[She shakes her head - as if that'll help clear her thoughts and let her get a better control of her own emotions.]
I do not want to go without you... Испуганный - I... Where will you go without me too?
[It wasn't supposed to be this hard.]
no subject
But where will he go without Anya? Where would he be right now without Anya? Somewhere worse, undoubtedly, in a place far away. She's made his life better. A fact, indisputable. Tears run down Anya's face. At this moment, he is not making her life better.
You're a taker. I made you that way.
A voice from his memories, but not one he can blame or dispute. A small part of him acknowledges that it might be better if he stays here, removed from society.
But he can't stay here forever, because Anya is on the other side of these bars and he doesn't want to be without her. How selfish can he be? As much as he'll always urge her to move forward for her own sake, he'll always hope just as much that she'll let him stay by her side, however much a burden he is. Her words are a guilty relief he keeps from his face. But he'll push a little more, because he has to be sure she understands. ]
We aren't always going to walk the same path, Anya. You're a good person. I'm not. Don't dispute it -- I know I'm not. I wasn't a good person in that other life either. I share with that version of me what you share with your other self.