[Anya's heart sinks. She remembers, when she'd first heard of Yato's ability to fight others, that she'd told him that he could be like a superhero. To fight against the people who hurt others and save the day. That sort of amazing, wonderful, heroic thing... that's what suits Yato.
Being a jail cell doesn't. Killing people, even the bad ones... that doesn't suit him either, she thinks.
Still, she clings onto his hand when he raises it up to her cheek and both of her hands reach up to hold onto him as if she can't bear the thought of letting him go if it means that he'll rush off and do something dangerous again when she does. What if he does something that he won't be able to take back?
It's that question that she wants to ask when she opens her mouth - and then struggles to actually make much of a noise, considering how closed up her throat is. It catches her off-guard, makes her pause even as she frees one of her hands to touch her own face, confused at the tears that fell without her permission. When did she start crying?]
Yato... [It's his name that she manages to sound out when she finds her voice again, even as she tries to blink away the tears to see him properly.] I... Mm...
[She shakes her head - as if that'll help clear her thoughts and let her get a better control of her own emotions.]
I do not want to go without you... Испуганный - I... Where will you go without me too?
[It wasn't supposed to be this hard.]
Being a jail cell doesn't. Killing people, even the bad ones... that doesn't suit him either, she thinks.
Still, she clings onto his hand when he raises it up to her cheek and both of her hands reach up to hold onto him as if she can't bear the thought of letting him go if it means that he'll rush off and do something dangerous again when she does. What if he does something that he won't be able to take back?
It's that question that she wants to ask when she opens her mouth - and then struggles to actually make much of a noise, considering how closed up her throat is. It catches her off-guard, makes her pause even as she frees one of her hands to touch her own face, confused at the tears that fell without her permission. When did she start crying?]
Yato... [It's his name that she manages to sound out when she finds her voice again, even as she tries to blink away the tears to see him properly.] I... Mm...
[She shakes her head - as if that'll help clear her thoughts and let her get a better control of her own emotions.]
I do not want to go without you... Испуганный - I... Where will you go without me too?
[It wasn't supposed to be this hard.]
[He can see Yato softening a little. Good. LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU, YATO.]
Sure, it's big enough.
[It's not really, considering Toshi usually sleeps on it diagonally, but it is, technically, big enough to share, and certainly big enough for Yato to sprawl on comfortably.]
At least stay the night, will you? We can figure out tomorrow, tomorrow.
Sure, it's big enough.
[It's not really, considering Toshi usually sleeps on it diagonally, but it is, technically, big enough to share, and certainly big enough for Yato to sprawl on comfortably.]
At least stay the night, will you? We can figure out tomorrow, tomorrow.
[He's not sure how to feel about this?! Hearing "I won't cut off anyone's hands again are you happy about that" is a little jarring even for him, with all of the cutting off of people's hands (and other body parts) that he's been recalling lately.]
Happy enough, I guess.
[His answer is honest without really digging too much into things, in the end. It's not really his place to judge Yato's actions anyway - not when he doesn't know the situation. And it's not like the guy actually killed a man...
(It's a little alarming to him though, how fast thoughts like that have started coming to him lately.)]
—I think I am. [...] Something like that, anyway. Why?
Happy enough, I guess.
[His answer is honest without really digging too much into things, in the end. It's not really his place to judge Yato's actions anyway - not when he doesn't know the situation. And it's not like the guy actually killed a man...
(It's a little alarming to him though, how fast thoughts like that have started coming to him lately.)]
—I think I am. [...] Something like that, anyway. Why?
[HE WANTS TO DIE.]
I hope you didn't mean that as a compliment, 'cause you have a long way to go if you did.
[That's not an upgrade?! Even with the emoji star!!]
Is that some kinda weird new power?
I hope you didn't mean that as a compliment, 'cause you have a long way to go if you did.
[That's not an upgrade?! Even with the emoji star!!]
Is that some kinda weird new power?
Geeze, what are you, a drunk?
Sorry, but you're out of things to barter with.
I didn't have to pull teeth though, so you can have a reward. [Which is a last one. He still has a couple, but he's not giving them up.]
Sorry, but you're out of things to barter with.
I didn't have to pull teeth though, so you can have a reward. [Which is a last one. He still has a couple, but he's not giving them up.]
[Yamato's always been the type to wear his heart on his sleeve. It's almost always painfully easy to see what he's thinking, what he's feeling. But now, his expression is unreadable. He's silent as Yato speaks, and though his fingers tighten against the bars once or twice, there's no clear emotion shining through his eyes.
He doesn't reply immediately. But he continues to stare, like he's looking for something in Yato's face that will tell him all the answers.
But whatever answer he does find, it's clearly not what he wanted. He doesn't look any more satisfied as he lets out a breath, though his voice is remarkably even when he finally does speak.]
So you want to be that god.
[Not just "god". Not even just "a warrior god". That god, the one he'd seen in his visions, the one Yamato had assured him he wasn't.
I know you wouldn't hurt anybody for no reason.
Well. That's still true, isn't it? There is a reason for this. Whether it's a good one or not...
The thing is, it's dangerous reasoning to tread on. Even if they count this as justifiable, what's to stop that definition from expanding? Can Yato be sure, really sure, that he won't eventually turn into that little boy from his dreams?
Yamato doesn't trust himself enough to try and convey all of that through words. He's terribly good at saying all the wrong things, though it seems to happen more with Kashuu than anyone else. He's learned, over time, how to be a little more careful with what he lets out of his mouth, but that doesn't mean he's gotten any better at putting the words together. Now it's clear that he's struggling, trying to explain his feelings without hurting Yato's in the process. And maybe he shouldn't worry about that right now, but Yamato's always, always been fiercely loyal to his dearest people. Yato's trusting him enough to talk this out--the least he can do is be the friend he's looking for.]
Yato, I'm not sure... you'll really be okay with that. [He remembers perfectly well what Yato had told him, about the sort of life he'd once led. Few details, but he hadn't needed them. But he also remembers laying awake in the dead of night, trying to reassure him about the atrocities he may or may not have committed.] Sooner or later, I feel like you'll have to make a choice that isn't this easy. [And maybe it's terrible of him, to call any sort of premeditated murder "easy", but. Madness or not, at least he gets what Yato is trying to say. But it won't, he worries, hold true forever. ] If you save someone, but then turn around and kill them, then... don't they cancel out? Wouldn't that mean you're not saving anyone, in the end?
[He bites his lip, a touch of sadness creeping through.] Saving someone shouldn't mean you own them, Yato. That's not what saving people is about. You saved Aki by doing this, so does that mean you own her too?
[He doesn't wait for an answer; he already knows Yato doesn't think of his friends that way. But could he? If he starts dabbling with this sort of power, where exactly is it going to take him? Yamato wants, more than anything, to trust in Yato, to be able to stand firm in his belief that Yato is a good person, regardless of what he may or may not have done in his memories.
He isn't even sure which side he's arguing for, anymore. All he knows is that it hurts, deep inside his heart.]
I just don't want you to become something you regret.
He doesn't reply immediately. But he continues to stare, like he's looking for something in Yato's face that will tell him all the answers.
But whatever answer he does find, it's clearly not what he wanted. He doesn't look any more satisfied as he lets out a breath, though his voice is remarkably even when he finally does speak.]
So you want to be that god.
[Not just "god". Not even just "a warrior god". That god, the one he'd seen in his visions, the one Yamato had assured him he wasn't.
I know you wouldn't hurt anybody for no reason.
Well. That's still true, isn't it? There is a reason for this. Whether it's a good one or not...
The thing is, it's dangerous reasoning to tread on. Even if they count this as justifiable, what's to stop that definition from expanding? Can Yato be sure, really sure, that he won't eventually turn into that little boy from his dreams?
Yamato doesn't trust himself enough to try and convey all of that through words. He's terribly good at saying all the wrong things, though it seems to happen more with Kashuu than anyone else. He's learned, over time, how to be a little more careful with what he lets out of his mouth, but that doesn't mean he's gotten any better at putting the words together. Now it's clear that he's struggling, trying to explain his feelings without hurting Yato's in the process. And maybe he shouldn't worry about that right now, but Yamato's always, always been fiercely loyal to his dearest people. Yato's trusting him enough to talk this out--the least he can do is be the friend he's looking for.]
Yato, I'm not sure... you'll really be okay with that. [He remembers perfectly well what Yato had told him, about the sort of life he'd once led. Few details, but he hadn't needed them. But he also remembers laying awake in the dead of night, trying to reassure him about the atrocities he may or may not have committed.] Sooner or later, I feel like you'll have to make a choice that isn't this easy. [And maybe it's terrible of him, to call any sort of premeditated murder "easy", but. Madness or not, at least he gets what Yato is trying to say. But it won't, he worries, hold true forever. ] If you save someone, but then turn around and kill them, then... don't they cancel out? Wouldn't that mean you're not saving anyone, in the end?
[He bites his lip, a touch of sadness creeping through.] Saving someone shouldn't mean you own them, Yato. That's not what saving people is about. You saved Aki by doing this, so does that mean you own her too?
[He doesn't wait for an answer; he already knows Yato doesn't think of his friends that way. But could he? If he starts dabbling with this sort of power, where exactly is it going to take him? Yamato wants, more than anything, to trust in Yato, to be able to stand firm in his belief that Yato is a good person, regardless of what he may or may not have done in his memories.
He isn't even sure which side he's arguing for, anymore. All he knows is that it hurts, deep inside his heart.]
I just don't want you to become something you regret.
Oh, that's sweet.
[With probably 99% of the population that statement would be dripping with sarcasm, but from Yamato it's genuine... HE'S A LOSER. If Yato's got some superspeed power or something, though, then yes, he absolutely wants to see that.
For now, though, he takes the jacket, and immediately... gives it a suspicious sniff. HOW BAD IS IT]
[With probably 99% of the population that statement would be dripping with sarcasm, but from Yamato it's genuine... HE'S A LOSER. If Yato's got some superspeed power or something, though, then yes, he absolutely wants to see that.
For now, though, he takes the jacket, and immediately... gives it a suspicious sniff. HOW BAD IS IT]
[Cutter frowns up at him, trying to shake the uncomfortable feeling that there really is something that feels familiar with this situation. He can't tell if it's Yato specifically or something in their circumstances as a whole, but he can feel the faintest echoes of a sense of deja-vu knocking on the back of his head.]
........
[He squints hard, accidentally ending up glaring harshly up at Yato with his dark eyes. No, he is pretty sure that he hasn't seen this guy ever before - neither in real nor in one of his memories - but... Piercing eyes. A somewhat hobo black outfit and... a scarf... Wait, shouldn't it be more than one?! Black hair?!]
OH SHIT!!
[He stumbles back with a flinch and ends up coughing because he just chocked on his own spit while keeping himself from blurting out what just crossed his mind.]
.....you- You ever got some longer hair?! Or something like a long light-colored floating scarf or ribbon or something?! Cause if you do...
[He trails off and brushes his shoulder-long black hair back so that it's fully out of his eyes, not quite managing to hide his amused disbelief completely. The urge to burst out laughing is hard to resist because Yato does resemble the teacher-guy he remembers from his hallucimemories, fuck!]
I have a different hairstyle in my memory. The ages between the two of us might be off too. Memory-me is more of the shouty, rowdy sort and I get a feeling he was in the protection-business even though it feels more like it was yelling and fights for the most part. I used my body as a shield.
........
[He squints hard, accidentally ending up glaring harshly up at Yato with his dark eyes. No, he is pretty sure that he hasn't seen this guy ever before - neither in real nor in one of his memories - but... Piercing eyes. A somewhat hobo black outfit and... a scarf... Wait, shouldn't it be more than one?! Black hair?!]
OH SHIT!!
[He stumbles back with a flinch and ends up coughing because he just chocked on his own spit while keeping himself from blurting out what just crossed his mind.]
.....you- You ever got some longer hair?! Or something like a long light-colored floating scarf or ribbon or something?! Cause if you do...
[He trails off and brushes his shoulder-long black hair back so that it's fully out of his eyes, not quite managing to hide his amused disbelief completely. The urge to burst out laughing is hard to resist because Yato does resemble the teacher-guy he remembers from his hallucimemories, fuck!]
I have a different hairstyle in my memory. The ages between the two of us might be off too. Memory-me is more of the shouty, rowdy sort and I get a feeling he was in the protection-business even though it feels more like it was yelling and fights for the most part. I used my body as a shield.
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